About Komatose in Holiday Inn Express and Suites. Gachibowli, Hyderabad

“The Legend of Komatose”

Definition

"A condition brought about by excessive inebriation, where the victim is rendered incapable of coherent speech or thought. Physical movement is restricted to bending the elbow".

Origins

The first documented case of “Komatosity” is the legend of Chena Mama.

Back at the time, the forests of the Central Provinces were considered the most dangerous place in the country, as they were home to India’s most feared creature – “The Central Indian Mamu”. Stories of this lethal animal had spread as far as Bombay. When children were naughty and did not sleep at night, their mothers would warn them ‘Go to sleep, child, or the Great Central Indian Mamu will come get you’.

Few residents of Bombay had ever ventured to the forests of the Central provinces, and none had ever returned. One evening, in a dubious drinking den in the back alleys of the city, a group of lads were enjoying a tipple or three. Amongst them, was a short little self proclaimed hunter by the name of Chatting. Having clearly imbibed more than he should have, he announced that he would be leading an expedition in search of the famed Central Indian Mamu. ‘Who will join me?’ he asked. Few were willing. Eventually, his powers of persuasion (not to mention many a brew) worked on the two other lads.

And so, this wanton group set out for the forest, led by the redoubtable pygmy warrior Chatting. Unfortunately, the only weapon that ever worked for him was a Blow Gun with which he could only talk non-stop. His companions on this adventure were Tunni who was and remains the foremost proponent of a meditation technique known as “Ghantagiri”. At the age of 22, through excessive practice of Ghantagiri, Tunni achieved the condition of eternal youth. The third member of the pack was Long Hitting, distinctly known for his length of the tee on the golf course and length of time he could talk non-stop.

This seemingly doomed threesome made their way to the Central Provinces, and established their camp just outside the forest. Evenings were spent with Chatting regaling the other two with stories of his past adventures.

One evening at Camp, saw the arrival of a village lad called Chena Mama. He convinced the group he would find them the Central Indian Mamu and off the group left for the jungle (blind leading the blind). He was accompanied by his life companion in the form of a bottle of yellow liquid, better known as Peter Scot Whisky. The Scot had the ability to cast a magic spell on Chena Mama – the more time they spent together, the stronger the spell, and he would increasingly become incapable of any independent thought or action.

As the Scot began to weave the magic spell, Chena Mama’s navigation became progressively worse. It soon became clear to Chatting and his group of intrepid adventurers that they would not find the Great Central Indian Mamu. Their priority was now to make it out of the forest alive. Chena was now under the complete influence of the navigational abilities of the Great Peter Scot, a.k.a. GPS (incidentally, this is also the first documented case of someone using GPS for navigation).
Chena Mama had gotten the group completely lost in the forest. His last words, before collapsing to the ground like a sack of potatoes and passing out, were ‘Today I am Completely Komatose’.

Little is known as to what became of this group of adventurers.